20°


the day has come. I was with Mam Crissy, Mam Dougie, Mam Rose and Sir Arklohn :) i knew i felt different. I was slower than usual. I had to jog my was from room to room to keep up during the nursing rounds. I felt my body was soo heavy and i was forgetting alot of things. I mean a lot of things. I wasn't thinking straight. and me handling a patient with ACL scared the hell out of me. everytime i entered his room, i felt my knee stiffening up :| it was one of the injuries i feared the most.
i asked alot of questions today. i didn't have enough time to read my charts. i couldn't even remember the cases i handled.
fatigue caught up with me. adding to that my monthly visitor came :| all my energy was gone :| i was talking slower than usual. in a slower tone and pace than usual. and i felt that the staff was feeling it too. they constantly asked if i was okay. and maybe it was me not wanting to seem like a brat or a pain for them. i tried to push through. i think Mam Rose saw the change. My own aura was different :| she helped me out alot today! she gave some of the medications. she helped me clean the ACL thing :| she talked to most of the doctors. she did almost everything and i felt embarrassed about everything. i know i wasn't me and being tired and feeling everything wasn't an excused. i should have pushed myself more. but there was nothing. i used up all my second will. and my brain was shutting down. :(

I finished the duty without eating and drinking. 2 Doctors getting mad at me (one face to face and one via phone call). being helped by the staff as if i was a student nurse :| it was a horrible way to end my week :| i was doing fine. i was moving faster and faster each day. then boom! i broke down :| it was like my engines tired out and just exploded on me :| i wasn't thinking straight. not at all. i literally broke down. i tried to smile everytime i entered my patients room. my poker face. but my face while walking down the hallway and my face while charting showed my fatigue :|

so i went home. thinking and remembering what happened today. i bought pichi pichi and kutsinta from my suki. and remembered my commuter buddy.

i miss you MEI LAMIMIGO!! :)) i paid kuya 20 and sukli sakin 3 pesos! :D hahaha

remember our "DI KA YAYAMAN SA BARYA NAMIN" thing? :))

parang ansaya ko? poker face???

pichi pichi and kutsinta :>

 i missed having duties with c2. they made it easier. it seemed easier. maybe because the pressure was equally distributed. I'm not sure. i felt really bad. i knew i wasn't myself today. i went home, ate my super late lunch and took a nap. I felt my bed just embracing me. i wasn't in the right state of mind to go out with my fellow 3VN' :( they were hanging out and i was at home trying to regain everything that was lacking in me :| when i woke up, Joseph texted saying that next time dapat complete. and i got to talk to chui. i told her what happened. i promise to be at the next bonding. 

Today was a learning experience. NEVER EVER take a STRAIGHT duty then 6a the next day! IT WILL LITERALLY KILL YOU! and i should know my limits. I should have managed my time more wisely. tired or not i should have been prepared. i know i still have time to make bawi to the staff and also prove to them that i can handle it. 4-6-8 patients even.

this break down made me even determined to be great. to be more efficient to work faster and accurately as ever. it was about falling down on your feet, and deciding to stand up back again. Standing up and being better than ever. A challenge at the start of my "volunteership" :) The staff and doctors treated me and expects me to be like a regular staff. I have to start being one.

This is a challenge. and i say..

01-20-12